Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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