apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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