Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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