I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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