So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
