So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
