You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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