soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
