I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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