Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
