Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
