I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
