He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
