you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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