Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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