I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
