Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So many bounce houses so little time
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
