so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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