I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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