Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
