its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
