we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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