It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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