there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
