Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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