Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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