I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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