enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
it's not cheating when I paid for it
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
