i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
