Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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