I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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