I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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