I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
