he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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