Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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