there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
