i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
