Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
