First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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