I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
