I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize