i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
