Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
