He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
