my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
