So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
