I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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