hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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