Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize