the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
