i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize