And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
