if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
