i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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