From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
