HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
