I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
