Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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