somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
