i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
