No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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