I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
