come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
