For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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