I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize