she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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