Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
