every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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