took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
