Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
