Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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