I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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