oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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