my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
