ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
