i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I can't put those talents on a resume
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
