If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize