he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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