So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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