and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
