Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
