While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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