Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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