thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
