i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
