You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
