If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
