walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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