I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
