It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
