Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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