So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
you never un-have a 4some
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
