This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I am spending my child support on dildos
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
