A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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