that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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