you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
