Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
