Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
