yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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