i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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