just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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