My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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