this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
