Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
