I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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