I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
