C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
