I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
