Non-Jews are for practice
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize