exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
