I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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