Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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